I'm sitting here tonight feeling pretty sad. I know that it's time to move on but I can't get myself to let go. The what-ifs are so much stronger this time around, there was so much more at stake. The memories feel too strong at times and I'm afraid that once I forget them, I'll forget him. I already don't remember what he sounds like and each day that passes, I lose a little more of the picture of him inside my head. I woke the other night out of the deepest sleep I've had in what felt like years. I rolled over expecting him to be there and reached out to grab him and draw him closer. I was awake but living a dream-like state that I feel, still today, I haven't woken from. I pride myself on feeling resilient and that I can overcome a lot because I am strong. And I am strong. But this time around it hurts much deeper. It's time we move on. Like we're a train rolling onto another town, without stopping to see the scenery that we're missing. I know I have to begin my next chapter I just don't feel strong or ready right now. I don't want to head into this next chapter feeling as weak as I do now.